you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
