Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
