I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
