I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
