I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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