I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
