Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
