so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
