He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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