im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
