I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
