His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
