I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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