Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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