Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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