1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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