you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
