Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize