Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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