So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
