When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
