Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
