I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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