Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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