How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
