What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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