yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
