My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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