No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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