i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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