could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
