I like my sex mixed with concussions.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
