the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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