Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
