opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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