I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
