Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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