Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
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