if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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