I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
