if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
