I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
