If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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