I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
