First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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