Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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