I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
