Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
