do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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