Where did you get a picture of my penis
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
