last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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