and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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