Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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