She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Sorry about my life...
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
