the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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