My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Green mimosas i think yes
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
