Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
