i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
