It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
