I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
