when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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