is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
