I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
