She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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