He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
